Categories

You know, it’s come to my attention that some of your coworkers aren't thrilled with the amount of chatter you've been engaging in lately. And frankly, as your boss, I can't let office gossip go unchecked, it creates a toxic environment and detracts from productivity. Now, we already have one measure in place: the diapers. Those were meant to teach you focus and discipline by relieving you of frequent bathroom breaks. But clearly, that alone isn’t addressing the issue. Starting tomorrow, you're going to be wearing something else while at work, a pacifier. Yes, you heard me correctly. A pacifier. Since your mouth seems to be getting you into trouble with idle talk and complaints from others, this feels like the next logical step. It’s not just about silencing you for the sake of it; it's a reminder. Every time that pacifier is in your mouth, I want you thinking about why it's there, because instead of focusing on work or treating colleagues respectfully, you chose to fill the air with nonsense. Don’t bother trying to argue or negotiate; this isn't up for debate. You'll come in each day already diapered, and now with a pacifier in your mouth too. If anyone asks, and trust me, they will notice, I expect you to simply gesture toward me or nod silently. Consider this part of your professional development. It might feel demeaning at first, but maybe once your behavior improves and those reports stop coming across my desk, we can revisit these measures. Until then… consider your voice temporarily retired during business hours. Get used to the feeling of rubber between your lips, it’s going to be part of your new daily uniform until further notice.