Categories

The notification on my phone makes me laugh out loud. Another payment cleared, another order for a jar of my shit. I shake my head as I confirm the transaction, wondering what kind of pathetic life a man must lead to spend money on something like this. But your loss is my gain, and I’m not one to turn down easy cash from a desperate loser. Time to give the customer what he paid for. It's hilarious that men like you exist. So desperate for a woman's attention that you'll pay to eat her shit. Well, here's what you paid for. My ass is hovering over this jar, pushing out a dense, satisfying log that will become your lunch. Enjoy knowing this is the closest you'll ever get to me, this warm pile of my crap sliding into a container I'm shipping to your doorstep. You'll open it, smell its rich aroma, and know this rancid shit is all you're worthy of receiving from a real woman. Now for your instructions. When it arrives, I want you to take it out of the jar with your bare hands, no forks or spoons. You will put the whole thing in your mouth at once. You are not allowed to spit any of it out; you will chew and swallow every last bit. If you record the whole thing as send it to me, including filling your mouth with my shit, the chewing, and swallowing. Then your next order will be $5 dollars off.