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How to use a diaper: For Dummies Alright, genius. So you've somehow failed to master one of the most basic human functions that even babies can manage, congratulations on reaching a new low! Let’s walk through this *advanced* process step by step, since your incompetence clearly demands it. First: Get yourself a diaper. Yes, those big, puffy things with the cute little cartoon characters on them. Don't be shy, embrace the fashion statement. Second: Lie down flat. This isn’t just for dramatic effect; we don’t want you tripping over your own feet while attempting this high-stakes maneuver. Stretch out like you're about to take a nap you desperately need. Third: Slide that diaper under your bottom. Make sure the back part is… well, at your back. The front should cover your front, revolutionary stuff, I know. If you put it on sideways or upside-down, maybe reconsider all of your life choices up to this point. Fourth: Pull the front up between your legs and fasten the sticky tabs snugly at the hips. Not too tight, you still need blood flow in those fragile limbs. Not too loose either, unless you enjoy "surprises" escaping mid-waddle. Fifth: Stand up and strut around proudly in your fresh new nappy! Now comes the truly magical part: when nature calls (and let's face it, she's screaming by now), just go ahead and do whatever comes naturally. You literally cannot mess this up, well, actually... See? Nothing to it! You're basically potty-trained now... backwards