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Natalie Owns Me Part 2 It has been three months. You have been my dedicated waste disposal unit for an entire season. The summer is almost over, and you're still there, bolted to the hull. My life continues as it always has. I maintain a strict, high-protein diet to keep my body in shape. A typical day for me starts with egg whites, avocado, and smoked salmon. For lunch, it's usually a large salad with grilled chicken or steak. Dinner is often sushi-grade tuna or a lean cut of beef with quinoa and roasted vegetables. I drink protein shakes, kombucha, and a lot of water. The result is… substantial. My shit is firm, well-formed, and because of all the protein, it has a particularly potent, acrid smell. It’s dense. When that valve opens, you aren't getting some weak, watery flow. You get thick, heavy logs that you have to work to swallow. My friend Taylor (girl in the pink bikini) visits the boat most weekends. She's just as fit as I am, but her diet is different. She's obsessed with green smoothies and fiber supplements. She eats a lot of kale, spinach, broccoli, and beans. Her shit is a completely different experience for you. It's often looser, greener, and filled with fibrous strands that don't break down. I eat the best tasting food, seared tuna with ginger glaze or filet mignon, and I enjoy every bite knowing exactly where it will end up days later: being forced down your throat as my cold sewage. You get the final product after our bodies have taken all the nutrients we need from it; what's left is just waste for someone like you to deal with. Think about that contrast: I'm up on the deck in the sun drinking wine with Taylor after a healthy meal while your world consists solely of swallowing our processed leftovers through a tube in your mouth.