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Honey, we need to talk. I know this is going to sound absolutely insane, and you're not going to believe me, but I swear it's the truth. I went over to my ex's place today to pick up that old bookshelf he said I could have. I don't even know why he was naked. He was just... lying on his bed, completely naked. It was so weird. So I'm trying to get this heavy bookshelf, and I tripped over a cord on the floor. I fell backwards, right onto the bed. Onto him. It was a complete accident. A million-to-one fall, honey, I swear. I fell... right onto him. Onto his... penis. It went inside me. It was so deep. I tried to get up immediately, I was panicking! But my legs were kinda locked under his, and every time I tried to push myself off, I'd just... slip. And bounce back down. It was like my body just kept bouncing on him. I was trying for like ten minutes to get off of him! Ten whole minutes of me saying "oh my god, oh my god" and scrambling, but I just kept slipping and bouncing. It was horrible. And then... he came. Inside me. I finally got free right after and ran out of there. I know how this sounds. Believe me, I know it sounds like the most unbelievable lie in the world. But it's what happened. It was a total, horrible accident from start to finish.